Well, this is the thing. Something came to mind per my last post. Endometriosis doesn't really "clear up." It might stop growing when menstruation ceases. Actually, I'm not sure it does. I think I read that the doctors don't know if it stops growing when menstruation ceases. Anyway, whatever endometrial tissue is stuck inside after menstruation ceases remains inside. My surgeon said he "got most of it" years ago. Then, he wanted to put me on Lupron, a drug that back then cost $900 per month for six months. The decent insurance I had back then only covered $100 of the $900 per month. I read about Lupron and decided not to take it. I'm glad I did not. I took birth control and paid for it, monthly, for years. I paid on average $75 per month for birth control to control the growth of the endometriosis. Birth control made my cycles shorter and lighter, which in turn made the endometriosis grow less. Anyhow, after menopause, which I have not gone through, yet, I will still have the endometriosis stuck inside that has grown since the last surgery, unless I have another surgery. I'm hoping it doesn't get so bad that I need another surgery in the next six or more years.

Oh, Obamacare made the birth control free for the last two years or so. I'd been paying for it since 2009. Yeah, there ARE diseases that birth control helps. It helps slow the endometriosis, less menstruating, less endometriosis. But, Viagra will still be free, eh, when they repeal the Obamacare? -- I took myself off the birth control a couple months ago, though, because when I switched health insurance carriers, the company messed up my prescription. I was thinking of sorting that out, soon, finding another doctor, because mine retired. Yes, I had found the best gynecologist after going through about six of them when I was younger. I found him in Cleveland. He did my surgery. He retired, and I moved away for school.

Ya know what. I think in a couple days, I will post all the tests doctors put me through over the years before I ended up in the Emergency Room. I had TEN YEARS of lower back pain. It became excruciating. Ask my best friend. I used to bite down on a towel when I went to the bathroom, sometimes, mostly when I was menstruating. This is not a diary entry, but it may be a bit much.

gun,
embryo,

object

,inanimate

Who is my neighbor?

Whipped up on July 22, 2016 -- I saw a post about US leading a strike in Syria a couple days ago that killed many innocent civilians, and I wrote this, because I think too much:                    (MAY REVISE OR ADD TO)
If I truly believe in a Heaven
Do I need to be the most right?
If there is a Heaven, and I know I am going to it,
Do I need to fight?
A kind of Calm.
A type of Kindness.
If I am afraid I am not going to Heaven,
Do I use my weapon?
If I believe I am going to Heaven,
Why do I need a weapon?
 
 If I feel a need to defend others from harm,
Do I need a weapon?
If the people with weapons use them to harm others,
Do they believe in a Heaven?
If I use my weapon against those who use them to harm others,
Will I go to Heaven?
If I use my weapon to protect some while harming others,
Does this make me the most right?
 
 If I truly believed in Peace,
Would I stop trying to be the most right?
If there is Peace, and I want to be a part of it,
Do I need to fight? Do I need to defend?
A kind of Calm.
A type of Kindness.
If I am afraid of not living in Peace,
Do I use my weapon?
If I believe in living in Peace,
Why do I need a weapon?
 
 If I feel a need to keep Peace between others,
Do I need a weapon?
If I use my weapon against those who use theirs to harm others,
Am I creating Peace and stopping even others from using their weapons?
If I use my weapon,
Is that Peaceful?
Does this make me the most right?

written December 2015
if after art -
if after music -
if after reading, writing, crying -
if after feeling -
empathy
There is no other with whom to be present;
the air falls
the lungs suffocate
(and you may forget yourself)
and you were the tree in the woods
and you never loved.

"The Noxious Ones" - written April 18, 2014
The noxious ones marched across my eyelashes
Laughing eerily, thinking they had won.
When my tears at last came flowing,
All were drowned but one, who hung on by a pinky,
Dangling in front of my eye.
Since I could see it clearly,
I flicked him away with a vengeance.
His trajectory mirrored my rainbow,
But landed him in a pile of dirt,
Where a red ant picked him up
And marched him down the ant hole.

written somewhere around 2001
Skin upon skin
Brush my heart with fire.
Caught up in haste
Dreaming of eternity
And what lies within.
Make it so.
Else, where have we been?

“Oh Glorious Day” - written April 20, 2012
Oh glorious day.
OH GLOOOrious day.
When to breathe and cry and then breathe, again
Connect with a heartbeat,
And the air feels like the hug of an angel.
This is that day.

               Playing an instrument well does not happen overnight. It doesn’t. A student will not play their favorite piece of music from the radio, or the original classical piece of many composers, or any original Disney piece, or many compositions after a few lessons or sometimes many lessons. My job as a private music teacher is to provide information and tools to help my students grow with their instruments. This is what I do. With me, the student will be corrected. I stop students and correct their mistakes. I try to keep these corrections light-hearted most of the time, but when a student continually does not practice what I have already taught them, sometimes, I may get frustrated. This is because I believe my students CAN learn and do what I teach them, but after having to teach the same concept three, four, five or more lessons in a row, because the student doesn’t remember what I taught them the week or weeks before, because they haven’t practiced or done any music theory, my teaching may become a bit less light-hearted. I have great success stories, though. Some students named Ben, Carolyn, Damani, Emma, Emily, Isabel, James, Jenny, Lena, Miles, Molly, Prentice, and Thomas to name only a few are sticking or had stuck with me for three to twelve years in private lessons and realized the benefits of having a teacher who cares if they do well with their instrument. They all are becoming or became better players on their instrument. They all performed in one or more recitals and enjoyed them. I teach techniques and theory and phrases with metaphors, analogies, stories, playing examples, and memories from my many teachers’ teaching styles to improve my students’ playing.

               There is an article by Dr. Noa Kageyama called “8 Things Top Practicers Do Differently.” It states, “A group of researchers led by Robert Duke of The University of Texas at Austin conducted a study several years ago to see if they could tease out the specific practice behaviors that distinguish the best players and most effective learners. Seventeen piano and piano pedagogy majors agreed to learn a 3-measure passage from “Shostakovich's Piano Concerto No. 1”. . . . That led to a few interesting findings: Practicing longer didn’t lead to higher rankings. Getting in more repetitions had no impact on their ranking either. The number of times they played it correctly in practice also had no bearing on their ranking. What did matter was: How many times they played it incorrectly. The more times they played it incorrectly, the worse their ranking tended to be. The percentage of correct practice trials did seem to matter. The greater the proportion of correct trials in their practice session, the higher their ranking tended to be.”

               This study validates my own practice strategies through my years of music making and my teaching style. I stop students and correct them so that they can practice it correctly at home, so that ultimately they become better at their instrument. If a student isn’t taught what to do correctly in the moment of learning something, they won’t be able to carry the concept correctly into the next piece they see. For example: rhythms. If a student learns a rhythm or technique incorrectly the first time, it will be difficult to change later what they think is right. So SOMETIMES when a student comes to me from a different teacher or from having no teacher at all, I have to be very repetitive in correcting technique or rhythm for years. Prentice appreciated this deeply. I thought he would quit after I worked with his articulation for a year. He didn’t quit. He played from seventh grade through high school with me as his teacher and went on to become an art teacher who then emailed me years later and thanked me for making him into a decent clarinet player. Every kid I listed has had me correct them. Every kid improved and enjoyed improving. When my students become better at their instrument over years, they appreciate my teaching, and their confidence in other areas of life flourish, also. They end up enjoying working hard to become good at their instrument, and then, they learn that working hard in other areas of life can be beneficial, too. Playing an instrument well does not come overnight. It may seem frustrating to have to be corrected and stop and correct oneself in one’s own practice room, but it’s the way to one’s potential.

               In that same article, “there were three [strategies] that were used by all three top pianists, but rarely utilized by the others. In fact, only two other pianists (ranked #4 and #6) used more than one: 1. The precise location and source of each error was identified accurately, rehearsed, and corrected. 2. Tempo of individual performance trials was varied systematically; logically understandable changes in tempo occurred between trials (e.g. slowed things down to get tricky sections correct; or speeded things up to test themselves, but not too much). 3. Target passages were repeated until the error was corrected and the passage was stabilized, as evidenced by the error’s absence in subsequent trials. What’s the common thread that ties these together? The researchers note that the most striking difference between the top three pianists and the rest, was how they handled mistakes. It’s not that the top pianists made fewer mistakes in the beginning and simply had an easier time learning the passage. The top pianists made mistakes too, but they managed to correct their errors in such a way that helped them avoid making the same mistakes over and over, leading to a higher proportion of correct trials overall. And one to rule them all: the top performers utilized a variety of error-correction methods, such as playing with one hand alone, or playing just part of the excerpt, but there was one strategy that seemed to be the most impactful. Slowing things down.”

               Some students do tend to play many exercises or pieces fast, believing that a faster tempo is more impressive to the teacher and maybe even a panel of judges at an audition. This is incorrect. A piece or exercise played accurately and with expression is much more appreciated by me as a teacher than anything played faster with mistakes and less nuances. This is why, when a student does practice only two or three times in a week but comes in and listens to me, slows a particular assignment down, and plays nearly everything accurately or does play everything accurately, I do move them to the next piece or exercise in the book or on my mental list of music. I’m not looking for perfection. I’m looking to see if the student has understood and become better that week at the concept that was in the assignment. If the student has grasped it in a physically technical and mentally or emotionally artistic way, I usually move them on. This encourages a student. They are happy to get a sticker for trying and learning. That said, the students that practice four or more times a week learn more music building blocks faster and get to learn more music and get to play more pieces they want to play, eventually. And if the student will be using the particular piece for an audition or an upcoming recital, then, we practice together until it is at the best the student can play or sing it at the appropriate tempo and beautiful level of artistry.

               By the way, I don’t write note names under notes in the music the students are learning. I don’t believe this helps a student at all. Theory books are helpful, and writing note names in those books are essential but not in the music the student is practicing. Students will look at the letters under the notes instead of the notes themselves, and this defeats the purpose of having notes on a staff at all. There are many teaching tools to help students remember the notes on the staves, and I give them those tools. Once in a while, I ask a student to name notes, and if they can’t remember the notes, then, I remind them about the tools I have given them to help them learn.

To read the whole article mentioned in my essay, please go to http://www.bulletproofmusician.com/8-things-top-practicers-do-differently/

Ann Marie Falcone BM, MM

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Sang at Euclid Avenue Congregational Church as substitute soprano for their Lessons and Carols this morning. It was good to use my voice and reading abilities. Not putting myself out there really right now, just teaching quite a lot and volunteering for Hospice, where I do sing with patients. Still gonna premiere that clarinet piece, "Igor at an Amusement Park," at some point. Also, in the New Year, I will continue to compose. Took a hiatus to volunteer and start a Glee Club for some students who asked me to lead them.